READY FOR ABSOLUTELY NOTHING: A Memoir

Famous as half of the television duo Trinny and Susannah, telling the nation "what not to wear", Susannah Constantine grew up in the privileged enclave of Pelham Place, South Kensington, next door to Cecil Beaton. Later her parents moved to a property on the Belvoir estate of the Duke of Rutland where she was looked after by Nanny Webb and spent her time out riding with Lady Theresa "Teabag" Manners. Susannah's parents were part of "The Knipton set", fabulously upper-crust people with names out of Agatha Christie, including Lady Caroline Ogilvy and Etienne Maze whose father was the last of the Post-Impressionist painters. Susannah's bipolar mother was only one of the handsome Duke's conquests. At a typical dinner, pheasant casserole, crème brulee and Colston Bassett Stilton would be washed down by Berry Brothers claret. Heading out into the world, "ready for absolutely nothing", Susannah soon hooked up with David Linley, son of Princess Margaret, who was still living at home with his mother in Kensington Palace. Evenings at the palace were spent dancing, with the Princess as DJ singing along in her "amazing singing voice". When the Queen Mother came to dinner Susannah's velvet cocktail dress made her look like "the middle-aged wife of a home counties bank manager". Elton John was also expected and he "managed to out-dress a room full of people who already looked like extras on the set of a costume drama". On the annual trip to Mustique, Susannah sat for a portrait by Patrick Lichfield, and then on the basis of her connections was hired as an assistant to designer Alistair Blair as someone who could if necessary chat with Princess Diana. When the affair with David ended, Imran Khan followed and then she met her husband Sten, whom Elton John insisted on vetting. At this point Susannah passed out of the eye of the paparazzi to forge her own career. An eye-popping read. 357pp, photos.